"Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?--unless indeed you are disqualified."
[2 Corinthians 13:5]
Examination: an observation, an analysis, a test. Why is this so hard for us? In one breath we say, “Lord, examine my heart” but by our actions and our struggles are we really saying, “actually, don’t”? Why do we still believe the lie that it’s easier to blame someone else? Don’t we realize that our own patterns and pain contribute to the sabotage of the bridges between us? What good does it do to point the finger and focus on what you can’t control?
"But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by a human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I know of nothing against myself, yet I am not justified by this; but He who judges me is the Lord. Therefore, judge nothing before the time, until the Lord comes, who will both bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the counsels of the hearts. Then each one's praise will come from God." [1 Corinthians 4:3-5]
Paul had examined his ways before The Only Righteous judge. For the sake of unity, shouldn’t we all do the same? Examine yourselves…not their ways, not their thoughts, not their hearts, their motives, their actions, not until you’ve examined yourself first. When we’ve been wronged, it doesn’t give a pass to pass the judgement, deciding we know why they did what they did or said what they said. We forget too quick when the tables turn, and it was us who did the wrong...or were we blaming them for that too?
We all love the gavel when it is in our own hands,
but do we love them enough to put the gavel back in God’s hands?
Would we condemn them to justify ourself, when maybe there is something on our side of the bridge which fanned the flames that burned it down? Enabling sin is a sin, ignoring sin isn’t loving, speaking the truth in love means waiting for the right time, for them and for you, and having boundaries is not passive.
My dearest mentor once told me, “the opposite of love isn’t hatred, it’s apathy”.
Passivity is fueled by apathy. Passivity is avoidance, it's enabling at its best and manipulation at its worst, and it’s a smoldering fire that has the power to destroy any relationship.
Will we measure our hearts by the width of God’s love stretched out on the cross?
"As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." [Psalm 103:12]
Will we compare our love for them by the same amount of love He has for us?
"In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." [1 John 4:10-11]
Will we choose mercy because it triumphs over judgement?
"For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment." [James 2:13]
Or will we stake claim in the pain and walk away?
Don’t hear me wrong, indeed some bridges need to burn, some relationships need to end, sometimes the most loving thing to do is to walk away, but there is a difference between us burning a bridge and God burning a bridge. We can sound all holy if we walk away, but our hearts bear the truth whether we did everything God asked of us first.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." [Psalm 139:23-24]"
We don’t know what’s inside until we ask the only One who knows. We have to come to Him willing. We have to come to Him ready to see, ready to hear.
"Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; Try my mind and my heart." [Psalm 26:2]
Why is it so hard to take a look inside? Why do we hide behind the lie that we aren’t supposed to focus inward sometimes? This look that Paul describes is a critical look, an examination, a measuring against the truth that will set us free from the very things we too often refuse to admit. We all have plenty of opportunity to search our own souls. So why don’t we? Is it because we know that when we ask ourselves the hard questions, we’re not going to get easy answers? And if we have hard answers, we know the cost is probably going to be more than what we’re willing to pay. Even if we are willing, maybe we know we’ll come up short for what is necessary for change, for healing, for forgiveness, for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, for hope, for humility, for faith. [Galatians 5:22-23, 1 Cor. 13:7]
Maybe we think it is all a good idea in our minds, but when it comes down to renewing our mind [Romans 12:2], we decide it’s too hard and too holy [1 Peter 1:13-16], like we don’t have resurrection power pulsing through our veins [Romans 8:10-11]. Remember what Paul asked them, “Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?” [2 Corinthians 13:5] What do we think the gifts He gives are for? Aren’t they given to overcome self so we can pour out for their sake, for His glory? Is there pride buried beneath our fears because deep down we know we can't do it alone? Sometimes we have to surrender to the truth that His payment on the cross is the only payment needed for us to receive what we can’t achieve and give what we don’t have without Him. Grace is the gift that keeps on giving; and giving the power we need to examine our own way for change of old to exchange for new.
While I’ve learned the hard way that I can’t save every two-sided bridge, I practice the art of standing alone before God, finger pointed to my own thoughts and actions, examining my own ways. It takes a lot of brave to admit when I fail, when I fall, repenting and receiving the correction He gives, but there is a relief from the chains falling off, a peace that goes beyond the pain, and a hope that endures until the end of these trouble-filled days.
Examination is time consuming, and can be painful in its own way, but there is healing and hope on the other side of that hard. Hard is inevitable, loved one. It is a really hard thing to love like Christ loves. It’s also really hard to even want to reconcile sometimes, but it’s equally hard knowing that we could have done something different and chose not to. Maybe they don’t deserve what we ought to give them, but then again, I don’t deserve what Christ gave to me. I am unworthy too, but somehow Jesus still said I was worth it.
Yeah, that means they are worth it too.
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